...and I'm still bleeding. I've used tampons or pads 24 hours a day since the birth, minus a total of 4 days. This is awesome. I'm just waiting on TSS to kick in or some sort of weird disease from all of the tampon materials! I think now is a good time to look into buying an instead cup.
I had planned on getting my tubes tied after the birth. There is just no way that I can go to an OB to have it done now. So I did have another midwife friend put an IUD in. Hopefully that will help make me stop bleeding.
My midwife (that was with me during the birth and afterwards) goes with the theory of your mind/body connection. It's interesting to really look at that. I was having such issues from the actual birth aftereffects that I only had good-size clots coming out until around 5 weeks. Not the regular postpartum bleeding at all. Now I've never had twins before, or blood transfusions, so I knew it would be different than my other pp bleeding. But this was out of control. I could feel each one come out and they were about the size of large grapes. But I think she was on to something because I would notice that when I would sit and analyze the birth I would bleed heavier for a day or two.
I had stopped bleeding (side note: the clots stopped when I got the IUD put in) the night before I went on my 'new me tour'. That was a total mind thing. I put it in my head that I wasn't going to bleed on my birthday, and I didn't! But, I woke up on Saturday morning and had a lot of bleeding. By Monday morning, I had to go to Target and by more underwear because in 3 days I had bled through all that I had taken with me. I was going through a super tampon *and* a pad every 2 hours. That was nuts. Again, the whole mind/body thing. I felt like I was getting rid of it all. Shedding (sorry for the pun) everything mentally was also making me shed everything physically. I actually embraced it. Just get it all out and be done. But, here I sit 2 weeks later and I'm still using pads. sigh
Still having nightmares. Mostly I dream that the OB is coming into my room and raping me. Sometimes he uses objects. Sometimes he uses his fist, again. Sometimes he uses really weird things like shovels. But they are almost the same dream. For whatever reason I can't get the firemen to stop drinking and walk down the street to help me. The OB always comes into my bedroom while I'm asleep and holds me down and rapes me.
Last night's dream was a little bit different. I saw the OB in Wal-Mart and I froze. He was in the cotton ball section and he was laughing at me. I don't know what got into me, but I started screaming (in real life too, which is what woke me up) and yelling for the firemen to hurry up and walk down the aisle because Wal-Mart had a fire station where the lawn furniture is. (For those that aren't local, I can see the fire station from my bedroom window.)
On a good note, I've lost 66 pounds! I honestly can not tell you the relief that comes with that. I didn't know if I was going to eat so much that I would look like a blowfish and then carry that weight around forever.. and that would suck. Thankfully I ate healthy foods and only gained 47 pounds. But for all of the weight to just drop off like it did had been such a blessing. I really think that I would have been depressed if I was huge on top of everything else. And I think that hormonally it helps a lot too since I would have the post-babies body, but without the babies. Ya know?
Still no word from the IPs. I'm just praying that I get a check for the bills by Monday so that I can get that part finally taken care of.
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